MomUnscripted

What's for dinner? Black-Eyed Peas

2010-08-05T12:37:00.004-05:00

Black-Eyed Peas

2 cups dry black-eyed peas
1 large onion, chopped
ham hock
minced garlic
Water to 3/4 of crockpot
Salt to taste
Black pepper to taste

Rinse and put the peas in the crockpot and add the rest of the dry ingredients.

Cook on low for up to 12 hours.

I have a bell pepper and a couple of small jalapenos from my garden that I'm adding.

A place for everything....

2010-08-05T09:01:00.007-05:00

and everything in it's place. If you know me at all, you recognize I'm a stickler for organization. I'm very particular about some things and others I'm content with a certain degree of "clutter". For instance my craft closet looks like a disaster to the untrained eye - but I can clearly see the area for fabric, gift wrapping supplies, a stack of magazines I hope to someday read and where the sewing machines SHOULD be stored. It only looks like a tornado hit.

As long as I feel somewhat in control, I'm a pretty happy camper. That said, there is never a time that my "straighten it up" mental voice is quiet. Since 1986 we've moved on the average every 2 years. Moving is the ideal time to get everything together (on one end or the other) and ensure there is a place for everything AND put it there. I suffer from chronic, permanent nesting syndrome!

In July, we met the 2 year mark in this house. The warning alarms are sounding that drawers need to be cleaned out, the closet needs to be thinned, there are probably some things in the attic we no longer need. Every corner of my house is demanding my attention.

I am incapable of doing one thing at a time. While cleaning the desk, I'll find a pair of sewing scissors and head to the craft closet. While replacing the scissors in the front of the thread drawer - I notice tangles of thread that need to be straightened, so I dump the whole container on the bed. The phone rings so I run to the front of the house to answer. I'm hostage to a home with crappy cell signal, so, .... naturally, I start digging through the drawers in the homeschool room, chatting on the phone, making a few piles. Ah Ha! There are my tweezers!!....eventually I head to the bathroom where I put away the tweezers and see an empty tea glass that I take to the dishwasher...which needs to be unloaded. But there are no places to put things because the counter has all the desk items on it.

So I go take a nap.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Right now I am going to start cleaning my desk....where it might lead, who knows?

Baby Safe

2010-08-04T07:48:00.007-05:00

I watch in horror every year when a child is inadvertently left in a car during these scorching temperatures - and dies. I cannot imagine the guilt and sorrow those parents feel. Car manufacturers need to help out by providing an alarm option (they're available) AND parents need to take extra precaution. The irresponsible thing to do is think it can't happen to you. Not a one of the families who have suffered this tragedy thought it would happen to them either. It is an ACCIDENT....but you can take measures to protect your little ones.

Many years ago, as a 40 year-old working "new" mom of 2 little ones, I posted something I had started doing. When putting my kids into their carseats, I placed my purse in the middle of the backseat and looped the strap through one of their seatbelts. Criticism poured in "you'd remember your purse, but not your child?". I considered this, but my ingrained habit of mindless driving to work, then dropping my keys into my purse was far more instilled in my brain than kiddos in carseats. It worked for me.

Now that I occasionally transport grandbabies, I'm far more removed from practical mommy habits - so again, if I'm the lone adult traveling, I place either my purse in the back - or last week I put my cell phone in 5 week old Mallory's carseat. I'd almost go out without a shirt than forget my cell phone! What works for you?

Whatever it takes, please take measures to keep your babies safe.

Also....if I see one more animal locked in a hot car with the window cracked 2", I fully expect to bash in the windshield. Be warned.

Fame and Fortune

2010-07-08T09:22:00.008-05:00

Lexi's Concert Slideshow

I was laughing when I told Lexi her life was almost like a celebrities. This was her schedule:

Tues 1:00pm be packed and ready to drive to Tulsa (Chauffeur da'Momma)
Tues 3:30pm check into hotel
Tues 4:30pm meet fan club for dinner (shh, was really just family)
Tues 6:00pm report to concert venue
Tues 7:00pm crazy fun performance (spectating is hard work with a 19,199 sell-out crowd of screaming tween-age girls!!)

Tues 11:00pm finally back to hotel & bed
Wed 11:00am check out of hotel, meet fans again (shopping)
Wed 3:00pm new venue -return trip to OKC
Wed 6:20pm softball game
Wed 9:30pm home, repack for week long tour (mission trip!)
Thurs 5:30am board tour bus for 12 hour trip to Tennessee

She pointed out a couple of minor inconsistencies - if she was a real *STAR* she probably wouldn't be rushing to do laundry and pack in the middle of the night AND the fortune part isn't bankable! $20 for a concert program or $45 for a t-shirt probably wouldn't have been a big deal if we were on the receiving end of that cash flow!!

However, I am humbled at the difference in sending your kids off to various kids camps (even church camp) and preparing them to do God's work (although that should be an every day thing, huh!) via a mission trip . The focus is trained outward, the excitement is even greater and the joy is amazing. She will be teaching bible school this week at a children's shelter and they will be repairing areas of the grounds.

Sending our kids out to change the world - it's amazing when you give your best the return is far greater than fortune. (But Justin Bieber was pretty fun!)

P.S. Lexi IS a real **STAR**!!

Kim's Spinach Salad

2010-07-05T17:38:00.003-05:00

SALAD:

1 pkg. spinach (or better yet, fresh!!)
3 hard boiled eggs, chopped
1/2 bag raisins or Craisins (probably any small pc/dried fruit would be good!)
8 slices bacon, crisp & chopped (or 1/2 pkg soft bacon crumbles)
1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
fresh red onion (sliced & half-rings)
1/2 c. grated parmesan cheese

DRESSING:

1 c. salad oil
1/3 c. ketchup
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. white vinegar
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 med. onion, minced

Tear spinach leaves into bite size pieces. Toss in remainder of ingredients. Set aside.

Prepare dressing by blending together oil, ketchup, brown sugar, white vinegar, salt, Worcestershire sauce and minced onion. Add dressing to salad green mixture and rub lightly.(sometimes I warm the dressing slightly and serve immediately)

Serves 6

Plum crisp is plumb delicious

2010-06-25T22:04:00.000-05:00

Plum crisp is plumb delicious

The BFF Misconception

2010-06-13T13:55:00.005-05:00

I have printed these words and keep them in my Bible to read when I need to - which is often. My friend Angela (MotherCrone) wrote this article at a time I was struggling - and knowing I've perpetuated an unrealistic expectation in my own daughter - I want her to know she's beautiful, special, loyal, funny, smart, gentle....and there is no one on earth like her.

I originally posted this in Oct, 2007 and am amazed how it speaks to me every time I read it. Thank you again Angela.

Thoughts On Kids and Friendships from an Old Crone

Friendship is a huge topic of posts on many homeschooling blogs of late . I am certain this goes much deeper than a fear of our children not being properly “socialized,” but stems from a genuine desire for our beloved sons and daughters to find that bosom pal who they will share hours of play and adventure. The whisper of hope we have when we meet each new little person- will this be the BFF my child is seeking? And when, alas, this person is not quite ideal for this reason or that, we, too , become dejected and sad with our child.

While the desire for our child’s happiness is all perfectly natural, I think, perhaps, we are idealizing friendship, especially friendship in children. I want to write this post not as a criticism, but to assuage the fears in many homeschooling parents and encourage you to take another look at this subject.

If I have one problem with many classic children’s books is that they tend to create nearly impossible images of friendship for children. To find another child who is emotionally, intellectually, and chronologically matched to our child, within the same geographical area is frankly, selling your child’s uniqueness short! We do not live in a world where every Anne has a Diana on the next farm over, or every Betsy has a Tacy down the hill.

We fret because, by choosing to homeschool, we might have limited our child’s friendship pool, so to speak. Yet I can assure you, with years spent as a girl scout leader, that most children in schools have not found their bosom friend either. They trade up for a new BFF often and easily: new year in different classes; a new student seems cooler; or a simple spat. I did it myself as a child, and I am sure I am not alone. Moreover, traditionally schooled kids are generally dealing with “Lord of the flies” power struggles and are often just as lonely, even in the crowded rooms.

Friendship is an essential need and desire, but much about friendship needs to be learned. As our children’s teachers, we are given the opportunity to teach them the truth beyond the idealized images. What a blessing it is to be able to share these lessons along with our children in an environment of love and support and truth! What a better refuge for their disappointment but within a caring and understanding family!

With my brood, I had some very definite guidelines for shaping their ideas about friendship. Most of it came from a combination of things I learned while studying psychology, social relationships, and plain old common sense. While not exhaustive my any means, I offer you some of my insights.

1) Stop Seeking the One Perfect Friend- The perfect friend is a myth, and we should use our own lives as testimony of this truth. There will never be just one person who is exactly what we need on every level. This is even more true in children who are growing and changing at such a rapid pace. Bust this myth right away, because believing in it can lead one to turn their back on many potential friendships.

2) The are different levels of friendship- Again, look at your adult life and use it as a model. We have all sorts of friends. There are casual friends, pleasant acquaintances, and trusted confidants. Among our better friends, there are some who we rely on heavily, and others that are great for stress relief over coffee. Even if we are blessed with a lifelong best friend, that person does not fill all our friendship needs.

When teaching my children about friends, I often used food analogies (a habit that I am sure is directly related to my round bottom-but let’s not analyze!) You need to have a lot of different kinds of friends to keep your friendship plate balanced, and help you maintain friendship health. I would use my life as example. I have my homeschool buddies to do field trips and co-ops, but I do not necessarily share their views on some big issues, so the friendships are limited to that area. I have my bookclub friends to share bookstore trips and intellectual discussion, but none of them share my homeschooling lifestyle (or even understand it). I have my blog friends to share insight and enrichment about homeschooling and life, but they live all over the globe and cannot share activities or coffee. I have my high school and college friends who I share memories and occasional laughs, but often have little in common all these years later.

I am blessed to have some exceptional friendships. Yet there are only a handful of folks I can be my true self with on all levels. Do you know how many of these wonderful people were my friends in my childhood? None. This is not to say that I didn’t have lots of friends in my youth. It is only stating that none of them was REAL enough to last into adulthood, nor am I now the same person I was back then. Why would we think our children should be any different?

3) Become A Good Friend- Instead, I think we need to teach our children that their relationships now are sort of a training ground for all future friendships. It is important to remind them that most every kid is in the same boat…learning how to be a good friend. So it is not going to always be easy or smooth.

Each and every time my children had been with friends or peers, we would discuss it honestly. If there was conflict, we would go through it step by step. We discussed expectations, actions and reactions of everyone involved. I taught them to problem-solve and take responsibility for themselves. I shared how their actions might be perceived by others, and discussed better solutions. I tried to always be objective, and let them know when they were being overbearing, over-sensitive, and difficult, because they NEED to learn how to act outside the family. They cannot expect another kid to be as understanding and patient as their parents!

Through this dialoging, they were able to learn the skills of patience, fairness, and tolerance necessary to be a good friend. They were able to articulate their thoughts to others and quickly dispel many misunderstandings. They were finally able to be good friends, and quickly had them.

4) Don’t Make Differences an Excuse- I hate labels, because it is too tempting to make them the excuse for common problems. I could have easily made excuses for my kids early difficulties in making friends through labels: dyslexic or ADHD/child of divorce . Of course those diagnosis brought along a myriad of issues and differences, but what benefit would it have been to use the differences as excuses? It doesn’t help them make friends to know that their makeup is the reason they aren’t relating-it only makes them feel like a bigger misfit. My children’s differences are real, but needed to be addressed. The only changes my kids could control were the ones they chose to make for themselves.
Labeling can be limiting in this way. We think that if only we could find other kids that were like ours, the social issues would melt away. Ideally that would work, but often the issues they are all struggling with become amplified instead. The more unique and rare our child, the less likely we are to find those who are similar. We need to help them learn how to embrace their uniqueness and learn to get along in the world. Few people are just like their friends, but they embrace those things that they have in common and learn to respect the difference without disdain.

5) Embrace Your Uniqueness!-Developing healthy self-esteem is the essential key to developing lasting friendships. You must be a friend to yourself first and foremost. So often people look outside themselves for a fulfillment that can only be found within.
The best place to start? Look in the mirror. Enter that scary realm of self-analysis, and realize that you are your child’s best example of self-love. If you have not yet learned to love yourself, flaws and all, you will have a difficult time teaching your child to do so.
Embrace yourself, your positive qualities and forgive your weaknesses. Work on them, and let your child see you trying to better yourself. But love yourself, and teach your child to do the same.

6) Define What Friendship Means to Them- I had to fight my desire to form a protective shell around my kids, especially NatureGirl. Boys are a different sort when young, and their friendships are based more on interests and play. But girls idealized and search for emotional companionship. Many times she would come in tears of frustration because she couldn’t relate with other girls her age. She was different: dyslexic, homeschooled, tomboy. It would have been easy to just dismiss it all by telling her how unfair it was that others aren’t like her and didn’t understand…but would it have been best for her self-esteem? Or would she have become perpetually discouraged and unwilling to take risks with new people?

Instead of focusing on the differences as the issue, I chose to address the sameness. I reminded her again and again that she maintained the power over her reactions and feelings. She could choose to be disappointed over the differences, or celebrate the camaraderie. She had gotten into a habit of eliminating people mentally before getting to know them, or she would idealize new friends only to be disappointed later. I realized that she really did not have a true concept of what friendship meant for her.

So we began by making a list about her personality, interests, likes and dislikes. Then I proposed creating a list of traits she desired in a true friend. We created three columns on the paper: Need, Want, Avoid. Then we brainstormed all sorts of things, and kept the list going in her notebook for a few weeks. We would discuss each idea fully before assigning it to a column.

In the end, she realized that all she needed was a friend who was fun, kind, honest, and understanding at the heart of it all. While she would like someone who loves nature, analyzing the deep questions of life, skating, video games, fairies, homeschooling, and anime, it isn’t mandatory for growing a friendship. She admittedly can’t stand kids who chatter all the time, are know-it-alls or snobs, or those who are deceitful.

Not long after this , she started developing some solid friendships. I think it was because she finally knew what mattered to her. If you look at her two closest girl friends you can see that quiet camaraderie of kids who can sit together happily without filling the air with noise. They giggle and whisper, and have tons of fun. They are loyal and kind and understanding of each other. Yet they are so different from each…as tomboy, ballerina, and girlie-girl . They teach each other about their worlds, and share the differences.

More over, she has learned to create touchpoints with other friends. These might not be bosom pals, but people with whom she shares common interests or hobbies, and she embraces the sameness with them . She has realized that no one needs to understand everything about her. That truth has led her to be less sensitive and more communicative. Friendship now comes easily.

7) Realize that Friendship is Fluid- Make sure children realize that as they grow and learn and change, their friends are doing the same thing. Sometimes they will grow in the same direction and at the same speed, but more often not. Understanding this fact, especially as your children enter the teen years, will help stave off disappointment and hurt. They need to remember to respect their friends as individuals, and give them the space to grow.

Help them Maintain Perspective- Teach them to always stay true to themselves, no matter who their friends are at the moment. Enjoying ones friends is different than being emotionally dependent on them. Work hard to make sure your child always maintains a strong sense of self unrelated to his peers. The friend who spent every weekend sleeping over in youth may suddenly be unavailable when he gets involved with his first serious girlfriend. While it will be disappointing, a healthy perspective will remind your child that through friends will come and go over the years, they can still carry on.

9) Practice what you Preach- Show them how to be a friend. Be loyal and supportive of your friends. Be open to new people and experiences. Be honest enough to let a friendship go that has become unhealthy . Let them see how friendships can transition to new phases as people grow, change, and move.

10) Always remain first friend- Don’t ever sell short the friendship your child has in you. You are their first friend, and will always remain as such. Make a point to remain connected to your child as they grow into adulthood and their lives are full of other people. Keep having fun together, and continue to share.

Chicken Enchiladas

2010-04-25T16:31:00.000-05:00

Chicken Enchiladas

– Misty Paxton

3-4 breasts of cooked chicken (cooked, cubed or shredded)
1 family size cream of chicken soup
1 (16 oz) sour cream
1 can Rotel
shredded cheese
flour tortillas

Mix soup, sour cream and Rotel to make sauce. Put 1T sauce, chicken and cheese into middle of flour tortilla and roll. Place into greased 9×13 pan. Pour remaining sauce and cheese on top of rolled tortillas. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

No Entiendo

2010-03-27T08:55:00.005-05:00

Just watched a debate about the costs of illegal immigration in the southern United States. One side is defending the "rights" of people who have come into our country in violation of our laws, stating they are entitled to pursue the American dream.

The other side does not support rewarding illegal behavior and folks should be penalized, primarily by being returned to their home country.

First to me, is the issue of disrespect for the laws of our country. Not a good start for "fine, upstanding citizenship".

Secondly and sadly, America does live by the $ sign. The costs taxpayers incur to cover medical costs, education (FAIR estimated in 2003 that the cost of K-12 education for illegal alien children was at least $7.4 billion annually), incarceration, welfare...and most pay ZERO in income taxes. Because they are "illegal"...coming up with accurate costs can only be estimated but by some groups the cost is a staggering $346 billion dollars each year.

It's a pretty black and white issue to me. With budget shortfalls and job shortages the solution seems to be pretty obvious. There is a process to become a citizen of the United States - follow the rules and welcome to America! If not, you should be returned to your home country immediately AND go to the end of the legal process line. I would go a step further and include children born on US soil. If the parent's aren't legal citizens, the child should not be either - or at least that would not be a caveat for the parent to remain in the USA.

What's Inside that Counts!

2010-03-09T16:28:00.008-06:00

Let me tell you about my morning. Because I had no visions of dust bunnies dancing in my head, I slept late! A whole hour. The little hand was on the SEVEN when I rolled out of bed. That got my morning off to a really good start, but I did have to hurry a little. I bounced through my routine and reminded God that we were going to make this a really great day!

Heading out the door with 10 minutes to spare, I grabbed my morning soda from the garage fridge. I drink one brand, one can, every single morning.

This one:Car in reverse, looking both ways, smiling that this is such a beautiful morning!! I pop the top off my drink and take a big chug as I start to accelerate.

Need I say more?

I ran back in the house, changed from the shirt with the splatter on the front, gargled, dug a Sonic mint out of the bottom of my purse and headed back to work, now running late, muttering about my day getting off to such a brilliant start.

The rest of the day did go remarkably well, I got through the tough stuff, came home to a still clean house and the sun shining. Today, I'm thankful for a sense of humor. For encouragement coming from unlikely places. Without leaning into Him, I might not have noticed those details that make such a difference.

They Will Know We Are Christians by our....??

2010-03-01T08:57:00.007-06:00

Ok...here's the deal sisters. When you cross paths with a visitor you need to speak. You need to smile. It does not matter what's on your agenda for the day, you need to kindly reach out and say "Hello!".

How hard is that? Try it in front of the mirror this morning. "H e l l ooooooo" - you don't even have to add any exclamation points. "Hi"...coupled with a sincere smile...also works wonderfully.

I cannot tell you how many times I've witnessed 2 women passing in a hall, one obviously not in her comfort zone - the other on home turf - focused on the floor, the book in her hand, the hair on her knuckle. The first woman looking to make eye contact, needing a welcoming smile or reassurance - is smack dab IGNORED.

This just sucks ladies. It's bad if you don't know her....it's horrible bad if you do! If a "too-busy-for-me" Jesus walked right past you with his nose in the air...wouldn't you want to line right up behind him to serve. Is this the example of "good Christian woman" you are seeking to project?

Singing Bee Fail

2010-02-18T11:19:00.007-06:00

Times have changed since I was a new momma in the late '70s. I have a vivid memory of my oldest child standing ON the car seat beside me as I was driving down the highway. Out of the blue, in her best Conway Twitty falsetto, she sang out:

"I want a lover with a easy touchhhh, not come and go-o in a heated rushhh".

I more than likely threw my right arm out to catch her as I veered into the ditch. Not really, but here I thought she was still learning "You Are My Sunshine".

That was my first exposure to paying attention to what was playing in the background on the radio or on TV.

Fast forward 20 years and I've spent 2 weeks listening to my youngest daughter and granddaughter singing a catchy tune we first heard on "The Proposal" with when-I-grow-up-I-want-to-be Sandra Bullock dancing around a campfire. It goes something like:

"To the window...sumpthin', sumpthin'...To the walls...sumpthin', sumpthin'......da da drop the balls...sumpthin' sumpthin'....all the britches crawls....da da da"

Well, thinking I might put the whole song on our iPod, I googled the movie, the soundtrack, the song, the lyrics....and let me just say I did not download it. Yikes-a-moley.

I feel really clueless about today's music. I think I like songs where I can clearly distinguish the words.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happyeeeeeee........!!!

Time Out

2010-02-17T07:42:00.008-06:00

If I haven't mentioned lately how much, much, much I love having adult daughters, I've been incredibly negligent. I LOVE the unconditional connection we share and while I take credit for teaching them everything they know (HA) - they amaze me and teach me more. They are both such awesome mommas - and I'm not at all offended that they want to be a better mom than I was....I love their passion about their children and am thankful and proud to be "Nana".

When asked "what would you do, Mom?".....I try more to share options and outcomes and less opinion. (4 kids over 32 years, I've experimented). My goal is not to dictate what they should do, but to give ideas they can work from. Today, between the three of us we have a 13, 11, 9, 5 and 3 year old, there's usually a dialog going on. While we celebrate success, we also discuss the "oops!" and "do-overs"... and there is not judgment.

Our conversations are not just limited to kid stuff, sometimes we break the rules and discuss our "better halves". Now, I'm still "da mom", so there are certainly some respectful boundaries we don't cross. Occasionally we do vent, but for the most part our discussions are intended to be encouragement.

Yesterday Kaci shared with me a tip she had recently heard:

When any member of a family is behaving unacceptably (irritable, annoying, nagging.......) the words to diffuse the situation and create a safe-place "time out" are "Mom, do you need a prayer walk?"...... or "I need to take a prayer walk."

Just typing those words gives me feel peaceful, giddy, YES emotional feeling!

What better way to bring attention to a behavior that is causing discomfort - and place focus right where it should be....take it to God. Keith and I have sought some kind of signal that we need to back away, think and regroup when we're in disagreement, this is perfect. My kids need words to verbalize when they need to call a "time out", without it coming across as back-talking or disrespect. It doesn't matter which side of the discussion you're on - it is a safe, calming way to pause things.

We are establishing this as a cornerstone in our family communication - and even if not always verbalized, the mental "red flag" is pointing us back to God. Right where it should be.

Things I love

2010-02-14T04:22:00.006-06:00

PW started her list, here's my random list - subject to random additions.

I love:

thoughtfulness.

my kids.

grace.

The Proposal.

s'mores.

the Olympics.

springtime.

Blindside.

coffee.

Sandra Bullock.

my guy.

licorice.

mismatched chairs.

Santa Claus.

white dishes.

books.

seafood.

Facebook.

laughter.

reading books.

bubble baths.

scrapbooks.

sushi.

being organized.

my fur babies.

grandkids.

old stuff.

fishing.

a clean kitchen sink.

harmony.

the Wizard of Oz.

girlfriends.

watermelon.

sparkles.

chocolate covered cherries.

being married.

painted toenails.

appreciation.

State Fair food.

red hair.

newborns.

Elvis.

turquoise.

my guy's smile.

creativity.

Jesus Loves Me.

camping.

soft beds.

my pillow.

blue.

OU.

strong arms - his.

Donnie Osmond.

butter.

What do you especially love?

The Room

2010-02-08T08:34:00.002-06:00

Thank you David for sharing this with the karate kids....very relevant message.

TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class.. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..." It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moore’s framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order.

But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at ." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to file each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it... The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel with." The handle was brighter than those around it, seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt.

They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me.

He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, and so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Phil. 4:13

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever
believes in His shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

Loco-Motive

2010-02-03T07:44:00.010-06:00

Last night, my youngest daughter said to me in passing "I wish I could read minds". We laughed, but it struck very close to home. The past week, I've spent some time in reflection of how my words and behavior are in contrast with the intentions of my heart and what I need to do to correct that. It has been my prayer - my daily chant - for God to help me stay focused on being the wife/mother/friend that He wants me to be.

I said to her "I wish you could too!" She rolled her eyes, smiled and said "Well, I'd want to read YOUR mind, especially when you give me that "mommy look"."

Effortlessly these words rolled off my tongue, "Honey, if you could read my mind you would know, no matter what's going on, how very much I love you, how proud I am of every little thing you do and how much joy you bring me every moment of my life".

"You would know that while I want the best for you, I don't expect you to be perfect. I know you might not always get that message and I've been praying to do a better job". (high-five God!!)

She responded in her typical quiet, introspective way; silent thought. Unlike me who would have argued, pointed out all the times I had nitpicked or criticized more than necessary, rolled my eyes AGAIN and muttered "yeah right", she simply absorbed my words. She who is so like me, yet so different, listened with grace and mercy for her momma.

Before I went to bed, I clicked on a devotion that a childhood friend of mine had posted on her Facebook: Actions Speak Louder than Motives I woke up needing to read it again - because this message is relevant in virtually every facet of my life. My husband, my children, my mom, my friends, my work - all boils down to me.

I was reluctant to post on my blog again, but I hope my journey, complete with joys and stumbles, might make a difference to someone, in some way. Only you and God know your heart and how your actions mirror your intentions. I'm blown away by how He works in my life and I'm incredibly slow to give credit for His many blessings. Perhaps this is one way I can.

Mending?

2010-01-26T07:02:00.004-06:00

My journey into blogging began as a way to keep in touch with friends and family - it is a fun way to share ordinary, everyday experiences and stay connected. I love putting the "real me" out there, the good, the bad and the wacky. Of course one can never be totally transparent, my blog is a vivid reflection of my life. Recently I've discovered a reader and chain of events that has left me feeling a bit unraveled on several fronts.

My life has often been like a house of mirrors, I struggle daily with the baggage of a dysfunctional childhood. Not an excuse, but as my reason to make better choices that will create a healthier outcome for my own family. Yet I am repeatedly haunted by behaviors not in my control, but that very much affect me.

Not knowing what to do, not wanting to behave impulsively or in anger, I am going to take a more private route for now and listen to my heart....if that is even possible.

Remembering Heather 2010

2010-01-21T18:38:00.001-06:00

Tribute to J - repost from 2006~Angel Heather and J ~

January 30, 2006 - One week ago Saturday, my nephew and his girlfriend had gone shopping. She insisted on him getting a shirt (pink) to match her dress for an upcoming dance. He was excited to take her to dinner. She chose Burger King. Coming home, this precious couple was involved in a freak accident. There was no speeding; no alcohol, no silliness involved and both kids were wearing seatbelts. On a farm road with little traffic, 2 angels happened to be following and were able to help, call 911....and pray. Jonathan had some head and arm injuries. He underwent a CAT scan and x-rays, bandaged up and released. Heather was medi-flighted to Oklahoma City. As Jonathan and his parents raced to Oklahoma City, a 2 hour drive, they got the call that they didn't think Heather was going to survive. Grieving and devastated, her loving parents kept her on life support until Jonathan could be there with them. She died about 3:00 on Sunday morning. Heather's parents are true angels on this earth. They wrapped their loving arms around Jonathan and have held them in their hearts as their own. Her sister and brother held him tight and have been such a comfort to this grieving 17 year old child, now a man. I watched my own angel sister, helpless to "fix" her little boy's pain. Somehow she knows the right things to do and say, when to hold him tight and when to wait and watch. How did she learn that? How did I miss that wisdom? How did she get to be such a great mom when she is just my little sis? So many lessons in this tragedy. It is foreign ground for me. My usual remedies aren't working and I want to curl up with my own children and protect them from the perils of this world. God is working with me, but as He well knows I'm a slow learner. Please pray for our family and for Heather's.

HOMESICK...Mercy Me

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times at least

a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
but the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again

To see you again And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

January 31, 2006 - The Penny Story We got home about 4:00 am the morning of J's accident. I went to bed for a while. It was fellowship dinner Sunday, so I threw together a casserole and we went to church. I came home and slept the rest of the day. On Monday I thought I needed something "normal" so I put into motion my regular routine. Getting out of my car at the gas station I looked down and saw a penny. I picked it up and said "Thanks God, but I'm not real happy with you right now".

I always put them in my jacket pocket so I touch them through the day. In about an hour I stopped to get a drink and dropped the lid. When I bent down to pick it up, there was a quarter on the floor. I looked toward Heaven and silently told God thanks...again....and placed the quarter in my pocket.

It made me think. I know God is wrapping his arms around me and I'm stone cold. Maybe when you're hurting the most, you're least likely to allow yourself to really FEEL anything else. When I need God the most I feel he's somehow abandoned me and I distance myself. I watched Heather's parents react with absolute, jump-off-the-cliff FAITH and I was questioning my own.

I went to the post office and visited with a friend, picked up the mail and there on the floor was a BRIGHT, SHINY penny. GEESH God, I HEAR YOU! He has surrounded me with angels and wrapped me in His arms. It doesn't make me feel any less sad or the days any easier to get through.

It doesn't help me to understand and I still cry daily. But it does give me a solid foundation and I know the bottom isn't going to fall out. It gives me a peace in my heart that is hard to explain when I feel so sad. Blessings, Kim

I found a shiny penny just laying on the ground.
But, it's more than just a penny, this little coin I found.
Pennies come from Heaven, or so that's what I've been told,
tossed to earth by Angels to ease your deepest hurt.
For when an Angel misses you they toss a penny down,
to fill your heart with cheer, and make a smile out of your frown.
So when you see a shiny penny gleaming brightly on the ground,
pick it up and treasure it for an Angel tossed it down.

J - you're an angel on earth. Of that I have no doubts - Aunt Kim

In loving memory of Heather Bryce, her family and the many, many friends who love her.

50 Words

2010-01-10T08:28:00.001-06:00

I came across this and wanted to save it...what better place to be able to find it again!

The Bible in 50 Words

God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.

~Author Unknown

Blizzard 2009 Oklahoma

2010-01-03T09:25:00.006-06:00

Happy Birthday Kelsey!

2010-01-03T09:09:00.007-06:00

Miss Priss is THREE!

Who needs a dishwasher?

Strawberry Shortcake is her FAVORITE. It was also her cousin Kali's (age 8) 3rd birthday theme and her aunt Kaci's 3rd birthday theme 25 years ago!

She's not altogether sure of Chuck E. Cheese - but she's the crowned princess!!

Christmas isn't just a day.....

2009-12-07T07:23:00.010-06:00

I haven't had much time lately to share here - I'm working 2-3 days a week, homeschooling the kids and life in general is just busy this time of year. In addition, I got a bad sinus infection that zapped my energy for a few days. My Christmas decorating, shopping AND wrapping is almost complete, still have some sewing to finish. Next is cooking and preparing for our annual Christmas party - which is just a come-and-go open house for friends and family to stop by.

Something happened to us yesterday that I need to share. Our church has adopted two unknown, newly jobless families to support this Christmas. Just reading the items each family requested brought tears to my eyes. A pair of work gloves for dad, sheets for the bed, a few toys but lots of essential things not found on many letters to Santa! The items were broken down on cards, listing each family member and 1 item per card, then divided up so each church family could choose.

As I looked at each little card, I was mentally calculating what our family could afford. Because our own shopping is nearly complete, our carefully allocated funds are pretty much depleted. Lexi stood beside me, perplexed by my tears, and picked up a card for the youngest little girl, then she picked up the sister's matching card...finally we noticed all 4 children in this family asked for the same thing - which one should we choose? Do we just buy for the littlest girl? What if only 2 kids got this gift, would the others would feel left out? Lots of thoughts raced through my mind as I felt guilty and a bit selfish for our own abundance.

As I prayed for God to show me the way, I reached down and picked up all 4 cards, one for each child. As I sat in church with those 4 cards in my hand, not knowing how I would juggle the checkbook to pay for these gifts, I knew in my heart God had a plan, but darn if I knew what it was.

Last night, Keith and I were preparing to go to the grocery store and a trip to Wal-Mart. He still had money from my mom to spend for his gift - the kids and I had already spent ours and the gifts are under the tree. I opened the envelope and card from mom and handed him the cash to go purchase his gift. He had NO idea what I had committed us to at church - I hadn't even told him yet. This money was his gift and I knew it wasn't mine to use otherwise, even though I thought for a minute about asking.

I finished sorting my coupons, put on my jacket and as we were preparing to walk out the door I gathered a stack of expired coupons and some old receipts to throw in the trash. I randomly opened the envelope that held the receipts and inside was a $100 bill. Although I am not in the habit of misplacing cash and can not figure out what it was originally intended for, I knew now just where it belonged. It wasn't quite enough, but it was more than enough - if that makes a bit of sense!

Merry Christmas little family - your children will be blessed with gifts they've requested. You may never know how our family was so intimately blessed to cross your path - God is good. We will pray for you this Christmas season - that your dad find gainful employment, your family be safe and loved, your bellies be full and above all, that you know the love of Christ.

Wall Candy - Giveaway!

2009-11-04T07:18:00.011-06:00

After 20 years of being relocated every 2 years and bounced across the U.S.A., I'm thinking it's time for a new tradition! Grandbabies! Won't that be fun? Right now I'm blessed with Kali, 8, Braden almost 5, and Kelsey almost 3. It's time, right?

To celebrate my bright idea, CSN Baby is offering a lucky MomUnscripted reader their choice of a LuvLetter from their cute Wall Candy Art collection. These would be simply adorable over a crib! I'm thinking I could add this big "N" to the front of Nicholas' scrapbook album.

These cute, 9" letters are stick & peel for easy arrangement and the assortment of colors and styles is adorable. Check here to view the variety of "CSN Baby" Luv Letters.

This give away is simple, just leave me a comment and let me know a fun way you might use one or more of these cute Luv Letters. I'll draw a random winner on Friday morning.

Link my blog post to your Facebook or Blog, let me know and I'll slip your name in the drawing twice...or three times! Easy as pie! I'm hoping my ! ! key never wears out !!

It's Mom text for!!

Once I get my big girls to buy into my great new idea, I'm going to do some more shopping at this neat site. I wish this came in king size! Check out their beautiful selection of crib bedding! CSN Baby!!

Scrapbook Retreat

2009-11-09T06:57:00.003-06:00

For all his faults, my daddy was the original McGyver. Nothing he couldn't fix or attempt to. He wasn't necessarily artistic, but he was incredibly creative and innovative. Inheriting these genes almost make up for the obsessive/addictive little critters in my biological legacy.

That said, I love all things crafting. With no regard to the two afore-mentioned factors, I've jumped into many projects, spent lots of $$ and filled up our garage with my stuff. As I've aged and gotten "some" control, my passions remain the same, but I've narrowed down my hobbies to scrapbooking and sewing ~~(with a little bit of furniture refinishing, mod podging, upholstery, flower arranging and cake decorating).~~ Truly, it HAS gotten better!

Lovingly, I'm passing the GOOD behaviors on to my daughters. 2 out of 3 scrapbook and I'm working on Lori! Kaci started when her kids were little, so she's building some beautiful albums. Lexi has scrapped since she could cut with scissors and her pages are precious. I gifted Lori with a first year album of her daughter, so she's 2 years behind....but still ahead of me! I'm caught up to 2006.

I firmly believe taking some "MOM TIME" is critical to a mother's sanity and balance. Kaci and I left on Friday afternoon for a weekend scrapbooking retreat at Canyon Camp (Hardt Lodge). We were housed in the lodge with private bed/bath quarters and spread our tools & work out on tables in the banquet hall. 24/7, you could work, eat, sleep, visit....or meditate in the beautiful scenery. We loaded up at 3:00 on Sunday for the trip back to reality.

What a blessing this weekend was. Even though I wasn't home, I looked into the childhood faces of my kids all weekend. I was tired, but happy to be home....and ready to go back. In January we're planning another retreat, this time checking in Thursday night. (That first night is mostly getting organized and set up); 2 full days of scrapbooking; 1/2 day on Sunday. Now that I've been, I will be better prepared to make the most use of my time! There is some organizing to be done on this end - and what I take to set up on that end will make me much more productive.

Now...dentist, schoolwork, business, house cleaning, laundry, groceries....while visions of scrapbooking danced in her head. If a retreat is something you might enjoy, let me know and get signed up so you can start planning too!

Wall Candy - Giveaway Winner!!

2009-11-06T14:54:00.003-06:00

Congratulations Reesa! Your name was entered twice in my drawing and plucked out of the trick-or-treat pumpkin yet to be put away. Pick out the letter and pattern you want and I'll get it set up for ordering as soon as (or if!!) I come home from my scrapbook retreat.

Thanks for participating - next week, I have Dr Oz's book "You, On A Diet" to give away!

Later gater, I'm off to Red Rock Canyon for marathon scrapbooking and girlfriends!